2 year anniversary C & S
5 year anniversary of Joe’s passing
7 years of new life…no matter how we look at it
Thanks kids. Did not post this to fish for strokes. Those have been forthcoming in abundance. My last relapse culminated in getting busted on 4/27/09. Anyone with a rudimentary grasp of basic math will conclude my Date Of Last Use was in prison. It’s one thing to be active in the madness of addiction. To continue it in prison is so whack, even by dope fiend standards.
On 10/31/09…with nowhere else to go, suicide became an option. The only other thing left was to bend these obstinate Irish knees and get down on the cold cement floor of cell 117B. I’d like to share it was a moment of spiritual awareness, but it was really a Moment Of Surrender. What took place could not even be described as a prayer. A petulant rant from a self-absorbed baby in the throws of self-pity is a more accurate description. “O God, I’m so full of shizz! I’ll never make it! Why don’t you just pull the plug? I’m such a screw-up!”
After 15 minutes of crying, shouting, blubbering & ranting, a peace which surpasses all our puny, finite understanding filled the cell. It was not a Bill Wilson experience where his hospital room was filled with a White Light, but was just as profound. As the cathartic vomiting of all the puke & pus ended, suddenly I heard Father speak these words in my heart.
“Yes Tim. Some may say you’re a screw-up, but you are My screw-up. I did not create you for this. You are My son and I love you. Now…what are we going to do about it?”
That’s our Dad. He calls us by name; will never mince words & always provides a Higher Powered way out of the worst prisons we create, fueled by His love.
Just For Today, I’m rolling in the deep. “Deep cries unto deep at the sound of thy waterfalls.” Hermeneutical exegesis aside, what that means to moi’ is; Capitol “D” Deep is God. Small “d” deep is us.
He called–By grace, I picked up the phone in that cell and we’ve been rockin’ ever since. 🙂